The Practice of Responding vs. Reacting

Recently, I’ve been revisiting some of the best advice I’ve been given during my career. And there is a common thread. The best advice has nothing to do with business, but with life in general. And one of the best pieces of advice I got was to practice responding, not reacting, in stressful times and pressure-cooker scenarios. So, what’s the difference?

Reactions are impulsive. And they often feed off an assumption of negative intent from someone else. Responses are more intentional. They require more thought, patience and empathy. And they put you in a position to control your words and actions.

There are dozens of articles about this subject, and one in Psychology Today defines the difference between reacting and responding like this: “A reaction is instant. It’s driven by the beliefs, biases, and prejudices of the unconscious mind. When you say or do something ‘without thinking,’ that’s the unconscious mind running the show. A reaction is based in the moment and doesn’t take into consideration long term effects of what you do or say. A reaction is survival-oriented and on some level a defense mechanism. A response on the other hand usually comes more slowly. It’s based on information from both the conscious mind and unconscious mind. A response will be more ‘ecological,’ meaning that it takes into consideration the well-being of not only you but those around you. It weighs the long-term effects and stays in line with your core values.”

It’s easy to fall into negativity right now. With all the stresses and uncertainty we wake up with daily, one of the hardest things is to stay positive and mindful of how we respond to things.

I found that, for me, the difference in being able to respond lies literally in taking a breath and few extra seconds to think. Instead of firing off a reply email, snapping back at a coworker, or bickering about a client or customer complaint, take a few extra moments to consider why someone said or did something. Then think about what you want to communicate, and how the other person will feel about your response. This helps inform your own words and actions. And it helps. A lot.

So how do you stay responsive when people around you are all reacting like wildfire. Look at any video of grocery store meltdowns. Not a whole lot of responding going on right now. 100% grade A reactions. It’s hard to take a beat sometimes. Sure. Sometimes you just want to scream your face off at those who ignite the worst in us. But I promise, it is worth it.

Breathe. Try it. Your work and your relationships will benefit from it.